A Practical Guide to Choosing Your First Toy

The sex toy market is large, poorly regulated, and largely optimised for the interests of retailers rather than buyers. Products are described in terms designed to generate interest rather than inform decisions. Listings omit dimensions that matter and lead with dimensions that don't. Marketing language is consistent but meaningless. The result, for someone approaching this for the first time, is an environment that's difficult to navigate without a framework.

This is that framework.

Start Smaller Than You Think You Should

The most common mistake in first purchases is buying larger than necessary. This happens because retail environments associate size with quality or sophistication, and because it's easy to underestimate what the body requires in terms of preparation, lubrication, and relaxation before penetration is comfortable.

The vaginal canal at rest is typically 7–10cm long and quite narrow. With arousal, it lengthens, widens, and self-lubricates — but this takes time and varies significantly between people and circumstances. A product that feels manageable in theory can feel very different without adequate arousal and lubrication.

For an internal product (a dildo or internal vibrator), starting at under 14cm insertable length and under 4cm diameter at the midpoint gives you room to assess what actually works without committing to something that may require significant adjustment. It's straightforward to size up from experience. Sizing down from a product that's uncomfortable is a more expensive lesson.

For clitoral or external vibrators, this size consideration doesn't apply in the same way — though smaller, more precise designs tend to be more useful for targeted stimulation than larger, diffuse ones.

Internal vs External Stimulation — Know What You're Looking For

Not everyone wants a penetrative product. This seems obvious stated plainly, but retailer framing often defaults to internal products as the standard and presents external or clitoral stimulators as a secondary category.

If you're primarily interested in external stimulation, a clitoral vibrator is the appropriate starting point — not a dildo, and not necessarily a product marketed as a "rabbit" or combination toy. Combination toys are more complex, more expensive, and harder to use well for someone still establishing what works for them.

If you're interested in internal products, the choice between a dildo (non-vibrating) and an internal vibrator comes down to personal preference and budget. Vibrating products have motors that add complexity, noise, battery considerations, and cost. A non-vibrating silicone dildo with good dimensional specs and appropriate sizing is frequently a better first purchase than a cheaper vibrating alternative made from inferior materials.

Why Base Type Matters

Every internal product has a base — the end opposite the tip — and the design of that base determines both how the product is used and, in the case of anal use, safety.

A suction cup base allows the product to be attached to flat surfaces. It's functional for some users and positions, and tends to be one of the larger base types.

A flared base is a design where the base is significantly wider than the narrowest point of the toy's body. It serves as a mechanical stop that prevents the product from being drawn too far inward.

For any product intended for anal use, a flared base is non-negotiable. The anal canal, unlike the vaginal canal, does not have a natural end point at practical depths. Objects without a reliable retrieval mechanism can become lodged. This is a genuine medical concern that results in emergency department presentations every year. No product without a substantial flared base should be used anally, regardless of what its listing claims.

For vaginal use, base type is primarily a question of preference and intended use.

Budget and What It Buys You

At the lower end of the market — under AU$30 — you'll find products primarily made from TPE, with limited dimensional information, unknown curing processes, and motors (if present) that are louder and less reliable. These products aren't uniformly dangerous, but they come with hygiene limitations and a shorter useful life.

At the AU$50–80 range, you begin to find products from manufacturers that publish material specifications, use platinum-cured silicone, and provide accurate dimensional data. This is the realistic entry point for a product you can clean properly and use with confidence.

Above AU$120, you're generally accessing products from established manufacturers — Dame, Maude, Lelo, Tantus — that have consistent quality control, warranties, and genuine customer service. The improvement from AU$60 to AU$120 is real but incremental. The improvement from AU$25 to AU$60 is substantial.

For most people, the AU$50–80 range represents a reasonable starting point that balances material quality with cost without requiring significant investment before knowing what works for you.

How to Read Product Photos

Most product photography is not designed to communicate size. Lifestyle images show products in abstract compositions without reference objects. Flat-lay images may be taken with lenses that distort scale. The product looks the size the photographer made it look.

More useful are photos that show the product alongside a measuring tape or ruler, or that show it held in a hand. Even these aren't precise, but they give you a proportional reference.

The most reliable approach is to use the dimensional data — when it exists and is accurate — and to physically measure that length and diameter against a reference object before purchasing. A 13cm insertable length is easy to visualise if you measure 13cm on a ruler and hold it. A 3.5cm diameter product can be approximated by finding a cylindrical object of similar size in your own home. This takes thirty seconds and is far more informative than any product photo.

The products grid at Intima Index lists verified dimensions prominently, which is the reason it was built.

For guidance on matching dimensions to your anatomy and preferences, How to Think About Size and Fit covers that in detail. For material decisions, Silicone vs TPE: A Material Safety Guide is the place to start.